by Woody Miller

practice Makes perfect

hey woody!
I just read your answer to the guy who loses his erection when he wears a condom. My challenge is a little different. I am negative and always play safe. Love to top and bottom. But when I top, it’s really hard for me to come in a condom. I can go a really long time, but when it’s time to come, I have to pull out and finish it off with my hand. Sometimes it’s really hot to shoot my load all over his ass or stomach, but I love to come inside a HOT ass and thrust really deep when I come. Unfortunately, I rarely get the opportunity. Any suggestions how I can make it happen? 
 – Trying to Milk It

Dear Milking It:
Most guys who can’t “shoot at will” (unless Will is really hot) have a lot going on in their heads. The inability to come in front (or back) of another person is usually caused by shame (like being sexually ridiculed by someone you loved) or trauma (like ending up with the ugly one in a three-way). It’s called “ejaculatory incompetence.” Can you believe those nut-job psychologists telling us that trauma, shame and ridicule cause this condition and then give it the most humiliating name possible? Grrrr.  
Because you can do it some, but not all of the time, I’m going to assume there isn’t a psychological reason for your inability to say the phrase that pays before it sprays (“Oh, God! Oh, God!”). 
The problem is that your ejaculatory reflex is triggered by the kind of stimulation it gets when you masturbate, but not when you’re topping. Most of us unconsciously “train” or condition our ejaculatory reflex with very particular types of motion, speed and pressure. Over the years you can “groove” a masturbatory pattern that prevents you from ejaculating inside someone simply because the motion, speed and pressure of fucking doesn’t feel the same.
Believe it or not, studies show that men have more intense orgasms through masturbation than fornication. Don’t you love that word?  It sounds so, I don’t know, biblical. Anyway, there’s a big difference between masturbating and fucking. And no, it isn’t just that there’s someone else in the room. 
When they’re jerking off, most guys instinctively vary the speed and pressure on their penis when they want to come. But you can’t do that when you’re topping a guy. Sure, you can thrust harder and faster, but guess what? Most guys don’t thrust when they masturbate; they simply move their hands up and down faster.
When you’re getting a hand job and you get close to coming, what are you probably going to say? “Faster! Harder!” Well, you can’t exactly say that to your partner’s butt, can you?  I mean, you could, but I don’t really think you’d get much of a response. Most sphincters I know are deaf mutes.
So how do you solve the problem? Simulate the conditions of a good lay when you’re masturbating. For example, when you’re jacking off, get on your stomach and pretend your hand is your partner’s mangina. Cup your hand and thrust your penis into it as if it were a hot piece of “Guy Gap.” Yes, you Brits, another reminder to “Mind the Gap.” 
Keep the position and pressure of your hand steady and use your hips and pelvis to thrust until you orgasm. Like any other type of conditioning, it’s not going to work the first couple of times, but keep at it—eventually it will. And once you get it, practice with a condom on. With any luck, your next complaint will be that you’re coming inside your partners way too soon.  

Woody is the creator of Blabbermash.com, the “Youtube” of sex and dating advice.  Reach him at info@blabbermash.com.